Coping With Loss

Managing Grief During the Holidays

Losing a loved one is always hard. But for many, the raw emotions can be especially difficult during the holidays, when chilly conditions match what feels like a fresh and deep emptiness.

Fortunately, loved ones of those who pass in the care of Enloe Health Hospice have lots of support — including specially trained caregivers who stand ready to assist. Sandy Lavin can attest to the impact these caregivers make. Her husband, 63-year-old Shawn Lavin, died in 2023, 13 months after being diagnosed with a brain tumor. The Chico resident described that time of her life as “an uplifting and loving experience because of his attitude.”

She admitted the 2023 holiday season was tough. It was the first without her husband.

“It was weird. I was on autopilot — keeping myself busy — but it was hard because everyone else’s life went on,” Sandy Lavin said. “I think I went through the motions.”

Having access to Enloe Health caregivers helped immensely. So did attending the 2023 Evening of Remembrance, an annual event honoring Hospice patients who are no longer with us.

“I was not going to go, but at the last minute, some friends said they’d go with me,” she recalled. “I thought, ‘What if I get there and get so upset?’ But I realized that if I did, I’d be in the best place. They’d all understand.

“I wanted to honor the Hospice folks, and I knew they’d be there,” she said. “Shawn was grateful to everyone — especially Hospice — and he always thanked everybody.”

Helping Loved Ones Heal

Linda Stratton-Foor is an Enloe Health social worker and Bereavement Coordinator.

She described Shawn Lavin as “a very special person” and said Hospice caregivers enjoyed caring for him. She added that Sandy Lavin took advantage of all of Enloe’s support offerings, including a six-week bereavement support group.

“Our bereavement program sends mailings every three months for a year after someone passes,” she said. “Sandy told me these were particularly helpful in providing her with tips and an understanding that what she was feeling was part of the normal grieving process.”

Stratton-Foor added that the program’s trained volunteers also call surviving family members “for as long as a year to check in, providing support and referral to community services as needed.”

Hospice caregivers and her loved ones continued to lift Sandy Lavin’s spirits during the holidays — even after her husband’s passing.

“One thing I did tell people, when they’d ask what they could do, was to ask me if I wanted to go to lunch. I might say no, but I might say yes,” she said of that season. “I don’t know what this holiday season will be like. Some people say the second year is even harder.”

Even so, the Butte College counselor is looking forward to the festivities, she said, adding that friends helped her get through the first holiday season without her husband. “On Thanksgiving 2023, I decided to stay home,” she said. “I had some really close friends come over, and they cooked the meal.”

Sandy Lavin described her husband as “a renaissance man” and a talented cook. Between his job and activities, he had many friends. Their warmth, coupled with fond memories, have sustained her.

“People loved Shawn,” she said. “There were more than 200 at the celebration of life for him. Bands played. That’s what he wanted. It was all about love.”

Need Help?

If you or a loved one is struggling with grief, these tips may help.

• Stay connected. “Get together with people — that’s important and the biggest help,” Stratton-Foor said.
• Practice self-care. Some people pray. Others meditate. Others take baths.
• Be selective about festivities. “It’s all right to not go to all of the events,” Stratton-Foor added.
• Be kind to yourself. Remember that everyone grieves differently.

Visit www.enloe.org/hospice for a list of bereavement resources or call Enloe Health Hospice and ask to speak to the bereavement coordinator. “Know that there’s support out there,” she said.